low-stress potluck

the invitation, sent out tuesday, april 20:

Halflab Low-Stress Potluck

Yes, the month of May is practically upon us! And so Halflab -- the House Around Lisa, Fred, Louise, And Brandon -- will be having another exciting party, this time to commemorate its third birthday.

As I'm sure you know, we at Halflab understand very well the stress that potlucks can induce on participants. Am I expected to bring some food? Does it matter if I don't bring food? If I do bring food, what kind of food should I bring? These questions can haunt the thoughts of even the most care-free invitee. And that's why we created the innovative No-Stress Potluck(*). We all have enough stress in our lives without the added nightmares that a potluck can bring.

On the other hand, it must be acknowledged that most parties are more fun for everyone when a significant amount and variety of foods and beverages are available. After all, what would a party be, without food? The past few Halflab No-Stress Potlucks have been, well, perhaps just a wee bit lacking in such variety.

So! This will be a Low-Stress Potluck. That's right, the golden age of No-Stress Potlucks is gone; we are now upping the stakes ever-so-slightly. Study carefully the new rules:

1.	If you have been to at least one Halflab No-Stress Potluck and you brought food or beverage to at least half of the ones you attended, then you are exempt from all stress, and you should bring food or not according to whatever decision process you've been using all along. In other words, the old "No-Stress" rules still apply to you. If you've forgotten the old rules, see the website(*).
2.	If you have been to at least one Halflab No-Stress Potluck and you brought food or beverage to fewer than half of the ones you attended, then your stress level should increase only enough to cause you to perceive the vaguest expectation that you will be among those supplying food or beverage on this occasion. (However, see #4, below.)
2a.	If you have been to at least two Halflab No-Stress Potlucks and you brought food or beverage to none of the ones you attended, then your stress level should increase enough to cause you to feel slightly guilty (on top of the stress mentioned in #2, above).
3.	If you have never been to a Halflab No-Stress Potluck, then you are at this time exempt from all stress! Come on over, you are our honored guest. However, do bear in mind that if you show up without food or beverage on this occasion, then next time you will clearly fall into category #2, above.
4.	If for whatever reason your stress level is in danger of preventing you from attending the party, then forget all of the above rules, and just come over and eat lots of food.

Okay, now that that ugliness is out of the way... The party will be on Saturday, May 8, beginning at 5pm and lasting until late in the night. Feel free to come by for any subset of that period of time. We'll probably fire up the grill around, say, 7pm. (So if you decide to bring food, you might consider bringing something grillable.) Also, as always, we have plenty of crash space.

Besides the food -- which will be present in part due to a small but nonzero amount of stress, but which, we should all bear in mind, is strictly barred from inducing any further stress in its eating -- there will be various other forms of stress-relieving excitement. To name but a few, there will be the hot tub, foosball, Dance Dance Revolution on the large plasma screen, as well as a variety of board, card, and cheapass games.

You are also stresslessly encouraged to bring games, juggling props, wacky anecdotes, a towel (for the hot tub), and of course friends, sweeties, children, pets, etc.

You may provide a probabilistic RSVP by emailing us (at) halflab (dot) com, bearing in mind the fact that very few events can truly be assigned a probability of either 0 or 1 (though many events have probability very close to 0 or 1, and of course, events in the past can reasonably be assigned probability of 0 or 1).

Quick summary:

What? : Halflab Low-Stress Potluck

Who? : You, your friends, sweeties, children, pets, etc.

When? : Saturday, May 8, 2004, from 5:00pm until late.

Where? : Halflab - 1174 Fremont St, Santa Clara, CA 95050-4816

Where?? : Consult http://www.halflab.com/map/ or call 408-248-HALF.

Food? : Low-Stress Potluck(*).

RSVP? : us (at) halflab (dot) com - probabilistically.

With just a hint of stress,
Lisa, Fred, Louise, Brandon

(*) The original explanation of the term "No-Stress Potluck" can be found at: http://www.halflab.com/party/

and the reminder, sent out tuesday, may 4:

Re: Halflab Low-Stress Potluck, May 8, 5pm to late

Don't forget, come on over to Halflab this coming Saturday for all manner of excitement, including but not limited to: eating, soaking in the hot tub, food, foosball, mastication of comestibles, Dance Dance Revolution, snacks, as well as a variety of board, card, and cheapass games.

Following a number of reports of ulcers apparently caused by the extra stress imposed by the party invitation, I would like to take this opportunity to re-emphasize provision number 4:

If for whatever reason your stress level is in danger of preventing you from attending the party, then forget all of the above rules, and just come over and eat lots of food.

Seriously, these "rules" are intended for entertainment purposes only; those who received this invitation without having received past ones should not feel intimidated by the bizarre fixation on the issue of food brought to the party. In fact you may want to take a look at the past invitations on the website (see below), in order to view this one in its proper context. And also bear in mind the fact that the original purpose of the No-Stress Potluck was that the hosts not be left with an immense quantity of food.

In any case, once again, here is the quick summary of pertinent details:

See you Saturday,
Lisa, Fred, Louise, Brandon

(*) Both the original explanation of the term "No-Stress Potluck" and the new "Low-Stress Potluck" rules and regulations can be found at: http://www.halflab.com/party/.